Well here it is 5:00am in the morning. I have been at the gym for an hour, and I want to go back to bed. As I sit here burning a few calories on the bike, I have time to reflect on my thoughts. I actually have a lot of emotions today. I feel disappointment in myself for not exercising more consistently. Angry for letting myself get this far out of shape. Embarrassed by how I look in the glaring light and unforgiving gym clothes. Excitement because I actually got here. Relief that I'm on the path to doing better. I guess maybe I avoid the gym and procrastinate about going. Maybe the raw unending barrage of ugly thoughts towards myself are being avoided. Ignored is a better term. But not in the right way. Sitting at home asleep, or watching TV does decrease these thoughts, but they are not gone, nor is the cause of them healed. I need to be nicer to myself.
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